Lynne Kennedy

MINI-ROVER'S BEIJING

by Rona

 

9 August 2004

 

 

So reader, I write to you from my home in Inverness after my whistle stop trip to meet up with the Highland Rover in Beijing. This is what happened over the week

 

I’ll try not to bore you with all the details of my outward trip to China but to furnish you with a few of them; after a boring night in the Travel Inn at Heathrow making sure that my mobile, TV and hotel phone were all timed to wake me up, I set off on my flight with Air France. Now without wanting to come across as racist my school girl knowledge of French was sorely tested, not only with the safety demonstration and many announcements about ne pas fumer in the lavvies but more importantly trying to work out what the hell was for my dinner.

 

Anyway as I said, not wanting to bore you, I made it to China and after passing through immigration and successfully answering all the “Could you possibly have brought SARS to our country?” questionnaires to their satisfaction I set off to find Rover.

 

Would I recognize her? It seemed the whole of China was behind the barrier. I needn’t have worried though because over the din, one thing was both clear and audible in an instantly recognizable Highland accent…’Reenzie I’m over here’.

 

After much negotiation with a taxi driver, Rover agreed on what I was to come to appreciate over the week was a very reasonable fare to our hotel. I was also to learn over the week that bartering is a skill to be added to her CV as the original 760 yuan (50 quid) fare was substantially reduced. "I only paid 120 yuan to get out here - take it or leave it", with a look of 'don't take the Michael with me mate' on her face.

 

After checking in and knocking back the entire contents of our mini bar (that of 2 cans of beer!) we set off for some food and more importantly more alcohol.

 

So was it internationally renowned Chinese cuisine? No. In the end we plumped for Henry J Beans American diner.

 

One worrying trend became clear while out on night one. There are very few bars and the ones we did find sold…..fruit juice and tea, what was that all about? Apparently most bars are situated in one area of Beijing and as all became clear early on, we weren’t in it.

 

Day two and after a short lie in for my good self I arose at approximately 3 pm. So what to do with ourselves?  Hire a pedalo on one of the many lakes of of course.

 

As Rover doesn’t have a driving licence I took the helm but to be honest my skills weren’t required as try as we might and pedaling for all we were worth we merely treaded water. Swimmers were making more head way. Obviously there was something wrong with our boat.

 

The evening entertainment we decided was to be acrobatics. While attempting to get to the venue, we discovered that Beijing taxi drivers are a bit clueless as to what a taxi should do. My understanding is that it is a manned vehicle which picks up and drops off paying passengers where and when requested. Taxi drivers in Beijing pick you up ok but drop you off where they choose. This may be near the venue or in the case of most of our journeys…not.

 

So having to translate street names from Chinese became common place and added a good half hour on to our journeys as we walked back and fore mostly on the same street it would appear as to be honest they all looked the same.

 

The acrobatics however were spectacular but made to look too easy. We mused that with a few of the elusive gins we could probably manage it ourselves. If trying out for the Olympic team in the 100m pedalo dash didn’t give us a return ticket too Beijing in 2008 then there was always plan b ,that of gymnastics. (For readers who do know us, I’m sure you’re wondering how you can get in on that lucrative sponsorship deal.)

 

The plan on Friday was to ascend the Great Wall, not at the famous much photographed Badaling (Rover did not want lots of tourists in her photos!), but the less visited Simatai many more kilometres away (200 more to be exact). Rover also ascertained that by taking the bus for around £1.50 we would have more kitty money to spend on the elusive G and Ts.

 

So with much trepidation on my part we got up early and headed out. However I spied in the hotel foyer an excursion to the Wall in an air conditioned bus with lunch thrown in.  "That’ll do me", I thought "just need to convince Rover" so I took advantage of her sleepy persona and the deal was set for Saturday. We were to be picked up the following morning at 8.20am.

 

Seeing as we were up we decided to visit the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square which were both just a short walk from our hotel but just for fun we took a taxi. The Rough Guide our bible of choice informed us that an entire day was required to appreciate the experience fully so luckily time was on our side. After approximately an hour and a half though, we concluded that it should have been forgotten and quite frankly remained forbidden.

 

It comprised big open spaces and, I will now try to be as descriptive as possible, lots of big rooms that looked the same. However an oasis was to be seen tucked away in a corner of the City…Starbucks. So maybe when the emperors were finished walking around their big open spaces and going in and out of the big rooms they enjoyed as we did, a latte.

 

Maybe Tiananmen Square would be more rewarding we could only hope. We resisted the need to pick up souvenirs for our families and friends back home as to be honest we couldn’t think of anyone who could carry off a Chairman Mao watch. It was quite strange to be in an instantly recognisable place and Mao’s eyes seemed to follow us everywhere from the massive portrait of him hanging over the Entrance Gate. Why did he not have the unsightly mole airbrushed from his pictures we wondered as the one on this picture seemed to have taken on a life of its own.

 

Another early night was called for as the next day was Wall day. Not to worry we had a telly.  However amongst the sixty plus channels only two were in English, the rest appeared to be Chinese soaps.  There was a film channel and CNN which both kept going off.  We can only assume that something wasn’t meeting with the People’s Party’s approval. This was most frustrating as all we really wanted to know was who had been booted out of Big Brother the previous week, not too much to ask, I’m sure you’ll agree.

 

The journey to the Wall took three and half hours. We were both a bit worried that more disappointment was round the next corner. Rover dealt with this by reading a chick lit novel I had picked up in Tesco for a bargain. I dealt with the boredom of the journey by catching up on some much needed sleep. I did this also to help drown out our guide's inane drivel who just didn't skirt around rudeness he embraced it fully.  If he said “guys, guys why are you not paying attention to me?” once he said it a hundred times. “Because you are an annoying little man” is what I wanted to say.

 

Our Wall excursion party consisted of Frankfurter the well travelled German and his Thai wife; we were a bit suspicious of this.  Two elderly ladies dressed for all intense purposes like they were off to Ascot, a quiet French woman and two American girls. After the usual “where are you from questions”, myself and Rover were pleased if not altogether surprised that they all thought Sean Connery was the best James Bond and were familiar with Brave Heart. We smiled while all the time knowing they thought we were in actual fact from Ireland.

 

However we were not to be disappointed the Wall was everything you imagine altogether both quite intimidating and humbling.  So to ascend it would we take the cable car and short train journey and walk the last bit or walk the entire way?  Frankfurter the cocky German in our party was giving it ‘Ve have claimed zi vall many times, zit is not a problem to me, I vill see you at the top’

 

We’re sure we heard the two ladies in hats asking when the horse racing was starting. So after much deliberation between myself and Rover as to the temperature bringing on certain dehydration and possible death we decided safe in the knowledge our mothers would be pleased, that the cable car route would be the sensible option.

 

Despite the Chinese being quite a short race they built very high steps.  We could only assume this was to keep the Mongolians from running up behind and taking them by surprise although I believe they are even shorter. Whatever the reason, they were not built for two vertically challenged Jocks skirting the edge of dehydration.

 

You’ll be pleased to hear we made it to the top and collapsed on the edge trying to get out heart beats back down to double figures. To aid hydration for weary travellers such as ourselves the builders of the Wall saw fit to allow at regular intervals enough space for an ice cream freezer and for fridges full of coca cola. 

 

On our way back to the hotel we spotted a brightly lit building, smiling to each other and realizing it would house the elusve G&Ts we formulated a plan to have the quickest showers and head back to the venue if of course the taxi driver saw fit to drop us off in the right general direction. The building? Oh it was called Hard Rock Café I recall with a big sign outside saying “No drugs or Nuclear Weapons allowed”. So obviously we left ours at the Hotel.

 

As we sipped (downed) the refreshing drink known globally as gin and tonic we realized that we had stumbled into a knocking shop. It was overweight middle aged white man central.  Altogether very sad with young women allowing themselves to be groped by these men while no doubt having to listen to utter drivel and having to feign some sort of interest.

 

What was altogether sadder was that not one young Chinese man (or westerner for that matter) attempted to get either of us to buy him a drink.  I don’t suppose two old lushes knocking back the G and Ts interspersed with Tequila shots was that attractive anyway. In fact the only thing that chatted me up that night was a mosquito which going by the bite he left, I’m sure had full combat gear and steal toe capped boots on.

 

My final worry before heading home was how I was going to get my ridiculously tight 'hope I don’t die anti DVT socks' on over my already swollen bitten ankles for my return journey.

 

Rover over the week had been attempting to learn a bit of mandarin, I decided to brush up on my French to ensure my dinner was ok on the flight home.

 

So you will be pleased to hear, I found Rover in rude health enjoying life on the road to the full and as usual, not taking any nonsense off anyone. 

 

And would I recommend Beijing? Yes as an experience if nothing else as it is an incredibly quickly developing city. Due to this, it has many contrasts and contradictions where traditional China is trying to embrace the modern world not always with success but trying none the less.